


I’m gonna swing from the Chamberlain.

by SkeletonHypetrain



Category: The Dark Crystal (1982), The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23653936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkeletonHypetrain/pseuds/SkeletonHypetrain
Summary: 2nd part of the modern crystal AU





	I’m gonna swing from the Chamberlain.

Joey was wondering through the forests of thra after he helped UrMe and his garden, so he just take a break a the podling village during his recovery, as he walked through the forest encountering some magical creatures,suddenly he heard a whimper that came from one of the bushes, he slowly went towards that bush and…

“Oh hello”

Joey saw the worst, he saw a Skeksis, without any doubt, he started to scream and ran away, after what happened it was too much.

“AAAAAAARRRGGGGHHH!”

“Please stay, why are you running?, stay, Why are you running?.”

Weeks have passed since Joey had to become a fool for those bird creatures,he resting in his sofa, watching TTV cribs while drinking blueberry beer and munching some doritos, that night was raining a lot, so he would spend the rest of the day, suddenly someone was knocking at the door which made Joey jumpscare a bit, he quickly went to the door, as he opened it, he saw that skeksis, but his clothes were ragged and he had some beat marks..

“A-are you….are you okay?”

the skeksis let out a sad whimper,which made Joey a little bit sad..

“c-come inside”.

as the bird creature entered to Joey’s house, he went to rest on the sofa.

“oh my god..what they have done to you?, don’t tell...Goddamn it Skekso”

“you…”

“yes i was at the castle weeks ago, i can’t believe that those assholes do that to you, maybe you want something from the fridge, bird thing?”

“call me skeksil”

“right, skeksil…”

“no, i don’t want anything, thraling”

“are you sure?”

skeksil began to hug him and started to whimper in a sad way.

“hey, don’t cry, i'm here with you, but tell me what happened”

“they...exiled me”

“for what?”

“the trials”

“i know, damn it, it seems you don't have nowhere to go”

Skeksil nodded.

“you know, i'm about to be nice, you can live in my house…”

“really?”

“yes, but i was thinking about if you can stay at my attic, but i changed my mind”

“thank you”

Skeksil hugged joey, which made him very uncomfortable..

“please, don’t do that,but”.

joey sighed and started to stroke skeksil’s head, which the bird purred, joey was to much uncomfortable, but his phone started to rang.

“wait a sec...hello?”

“Joey!,long time no see!”

“hi Amanda, im alive after all!”

“gee, you’re lucky”

“Well joey, i have some important news: one is good, but the other one is bad”

“what’s the good one?..”

“The next week we are going to act at the city’s theatre!”

“oh, that’s great”  
“it’s just a stand up comedy show with some puppets on it !”

“great, im glad i could perform my ventriloquist act!”

“good idea”

“and what’s the bad one?”

“the skeksis are going to see our show.”

“WHAT”

“who’s are you talking to?..”

“who was that?”

“Amanda, can i tell you something?”

“yes”

“Skeksil just came to my house and..”

“you let a skeksis to enter your house?!”

“wait,wait, he’s here with me because those bird mofos exiled him, now he’s going to live with me”

“oh my god, anyway, make sure you got everything prepared”

“of course i am”

“see ya”

as Joey hanged up the phone, he looked at skeksil

“you know what tho, i know that you are thinking of why i'm being nice with you is because i didnt see you in the puppet thing from weeks ago, but i think this is the beginning of our friendship”.

a new day rose in the city, Jenny was playing with the quiet Urmi, then Joey arrived as usual.

“Hi Joey”

“Hello Jenny and hello to the little mystic”.

“Joey,have you heard that there’s going to be a yule ball at the castle of the crystal”  
“oh, i didn't heard about that, but now?”

“no, in the next weeks, are you going to that ball?”

“i dont think so…, oh, i almost forgot.., i want to give this to urmi, here little guy”

Joey pulled out a wii game and gave to the hybrid.

“It’s the legend of zelda: skyward sword, hope you like it”

UrMi smiled at joey.

“T..thanks”

“He’s so cute, im going to die”

“WHEN YOU WILL STOP WIMPER!”

Joey and his friends heard that, it came from SkekMo the gatherer, who was with skeksil.

“HI FRIEND!”

“Oh god no, skeksil!”

“you are his friend”

“not friend..i mean friend in progress”

“you, you orange head!”

“me?”

“its course it’s you, Joey”

“Here’s your beaked dimwit”

“dont call me that, gatherer, we know each other”

“i know why they expelled you from the castle, because….”

“papa”

Urmi went towards Skekmo and hug him.

“i can’t believe that i’m also the father of this thing”

“but..Urmi’s dad is UrMe?”

“yes, he is, but also is my child...this is so confusing”

“right, oh hi skeksil”

“Hi”

Jenny slowly slowly walked away.

“wait, i'm not going to drain you!”

“are you sure, i have trust issues with the skeksis”

“oh please, he’s in redemption mode, i forgot to say that i'm going to act with my work pals at the theatre”.

“really?”

“yes”

“wow”

“wait...where’s Vor?”

“Vor is staying at home, he’s sick”

“oh, i hope he gets well soon”

after the daily routine of visiting the mystics center, joey spend the afternoon with his new friend at the one of the nearest blockbusters, which he taught to skeksil.

“what is that”

“it’s blockbuster, you never heard of that?”

“no..”

“man, been in that castle is awful”

“and why are those..”

“those are movies”

“what is a movie?”

“oh…”

Later on, Joey and his friend were at his house, which our ginger-haired boy taught again about his house.

“this is a remote control and this is my crystal bat tv with hd 1080p on it, it works well for my playstation, nintendo 64,wii,etc”

“what does this thing do?”

“that’s the on button”.

skeksil turned on the tv,which he made jumpscare a bit, joey started to laugh.

“oh look,It’s TTV, god i love this channel, glad that the old shows remain, i really love to watch fist of zen,TTV cribs, ridiculousness and Jackass”

Skeksil looked curiously at the crystal bat tv..

“don't look too near at the tv”

“i didn’t know that your species have all of this, thraling”

“hey, i have a name”

“i’ve heard that...your name was…”

“Joey, but my full name is Joseph Nathaniel Schmidt, but my friends called me Joey,Jojo..”

“so..J-jo”

“joey”

“Jowie?”

“ok, man, i think you are becoming my best pal”

“me too, Jowie”

The day has come, The stand up comedy began its premiere at the theatre, Joey and his friends were at the backstage, he was too nervous.

“oh my god, i don't know if im going to do it”

“have you practise your Ventriloquist act”

“of course, i’ve brought this little fella”.

“JOWIE!”

skeksis suddenly appeared, making Joey and Amanda jumpscare.

“What the Fuck is wrong with you?!”

“chamberlain wanted to see you..and your female thraling”

“is that friend you were talking about?”

“yes, im sorry”

“well, sil, just stay at backstage,okay”

“as you wish..”

during the act, some of joey’s friends began to do some comedic acts with their puppets, joey saw them through the backstage, which with his nervousness, he began to pray..

“Oh Jareth, lord of the labyrinth,king of the goblins, please take my soul and do whatever you want”

he heard the applause of the audience, his friend: Amanda arrived at the backstage.

“It’s time for your act!”

“i'm ready, yeah, let me take my puppet”

“that’s the spirit, now go!”

“Make sure that Sil is not bumping out of the curtain”

Joe then walked to the stage, with his puppet, greeting everyone.

“Heeeere’s Joey!, good night everybody, gelflings,podlings, humans and of course..skeksis”

The audience began to laugh as he pointed at the one of the balcony seats.

“oh boy, me and my puppet: mr.rags, we are here to tell some jokes”

“boring”

“oh shut up, rags”

“ah, puppetry, this runs in my family, i remember the good old days when i was learn this art by skekgra and urgoh, good times”

“are you telling that the heretic taught you about that?!”

“yes,why not, this is like when i went to the castle and i tell that known story”

“and you thought that telling to the emperor that the human who began all of this was your ancestor”.

“i thought it was a good idea”

“i would imagine telling him that your father is the mayor”

the audience laughed, joey looked at mr rags.

“of course he is”

“loser”

“you are calling me a loser?!”

“its says on your t-shirt!”

mr rags pointed at Joey’s shirt, which had a drawing of a hand pointing at with with the words: loser on it.

“i'm not a loser, if you can excuse me, i’ll drink some water”

Joey pulled out a bottle of water, and he proceeds to drink while mr rags looks at the audience.

“hey..why the gelfling cross the road?..BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO GET DRAINED BY THOSE BIRDS!”

Joey spit out his water and began to cough..

“Rags!, do you want me to get executed?”

“Joseph, you are becoming the fozzie bear for those statlers and waldorfs”

“don't call them like that”

“oh you, you don't even make eye contact on them...especially him”  
“you mean?”

“yeah boy, skekso.., he’s looking at you with those ‘im going to fuck you’ eyes”

“oh come on, when you will stop roasting the audience”

“roasting?, i mean i'm not in the mood for roast chicken”

“Rags..tell something funny”

“skekso’s face, it’s reminds me of a slice of pizza”

Joey slowly looked at skekso, making the most intense stare ever, then he looked at mr rags.

“you are dragging me to the verge of execution”

“don’t you mean...drain”

“that’s enough”.

then joey started to fight against mr rags in a clumsy way, as the fight ended, he was on the gound, but he lifted his arm that had mr rags, then he look at audience.

“gotcha’!”

the audience laughed again(except the skeksis), then the crew appeared to say goodbye, after the act ended, everyone was at the backstage.

“guys,we did a great job!, this act became a success thanks to joey”

“thank you amanda”

“you know what it means...let’s get this party started”

Joey’s crew went to celebrate their success at the shanghai lotus, Joey and his friends began to get drunk, which led to unleash the rave, joey chugged down 5 4 lokos, everything went to the craziness..

Until Joey woke up the next morning.

“urgh..what a night..wait a second”

Joey noticed something, he realized that he woke in another room.

“wait..this is not my room, neither my house, am..am i at the castle?!”  
“Thraling….”

Joey recognized that voice, he started to sweat and looked at his right very slowly, seeing skekso next to him.

“Ready for round 2?”.

Joey let out a blood-curdling scream, which he woke up from that nightmare, he was know in his room, lying in his bed.

“wakey-wakey”

“Sil?”

“chamberlain just rescued you from that strange place”

“thanks?”

Skeksil pulled out joey’s phone.

“according to this, your thraling companions sent this strange pictures”

“gimme that”

Joey took his phone and saw that his friends posted videos and pictures from yesterday.

“those absolute madlads”

“can i see them?”

“of couse”.

then Joey and his friend started to see those photos”

“let’s begin: that’s me and amanda, Jenny, me kissing skekmal, Amanda holding a bunch of podlings, one of my friends with a...is that a female skeksis?,wait, there’s a video of me, let’s check it out”

Joey clicked at the video, the video started with a very drunk joey holding skekso’s scepter.

“oh god no”

“IM FRIGGIN SAILOR MOON”.

“is that you holding the emperor’s scepter?”

“how the hell did i get that?!”.

“chamberlain found you at that strange area, you were laying down on the ground near that”

“don't you say that you bring that in my house”

“yes, and it’s right there”

Joey looked at the scepter..

“oh god WHY?!”

Joey began to ugly sobbing.

“ah,jowie, i think we are official friends,right?”

“oh shut up”.

“i think it’s a yes!”.

The End


End file.
